Like some of the tastiest recipes, the best moments in life have few ingredients.
Savor the simplicity of family and friends. Relish water, sun and trees.
Best when marinated in love and sautéed in the spirit of felicity.
Remember the Analog!
My husband posted this clever and thought provoking statement on Facebook the other morning and it perfectly ties together the theme of this blog which has been bouncing around in my head for weeks.
When contemplating the reasons why I miss the experiences of the 1980s so much, it comes down to some pretty basic things- some simple human needs that that time satisfied for many in my generation.
I often ask, Why do Gen Xers love the Netflix Stranger Things series so much?.
In my first blog on the topic, I discussed four things that the ST characters and plot exemplified:
Upon further reflection, I realized that these things are all analog and are supported by in-person, live connections and relationships. In short, most analog activities make us happy.
I also discerned that my four reasons where also closely aligned to the five basic human needs outlined in William Glasser’s book “Choice Theory” which are:
Choice theory psychology posits that almost all behavior is chosen and we are driven by our genes to satisfy these five basic needs.
I find myself longing for more analog activities like riding bikes, playing board games and socializing with friends because it brings me more joy and relief from the bitter and angry world of social media.
The positive memories of growing up in the 1980s is a safe and happy shelter for many people and this is why period pieces like Stranger Things and GLOW are so popular. Plus, the clothes and the music of the 80s were just so funky and hilarious.
For me, the feeling of being part of a group where I could have free, fun, empowering adventures was an amazingly strong and positive gift that I wish I could replicate in the world today.
So how can we get a piece of that happiness back in our lives without having a TARDIS or a flux-capacitor fitted DeLorean?
When looking at these activities through a psychological lens- they do seem to satisfy the human needs of Freedom, Fun, Power and Control ( with #19 & 20 clearly being for Survival).
I am a huge fan of the series Stranger Things and GLOW on Netflix and I hope that these thoughts and ideas can help bring you a bit of the fun, happiness and adventure I had growing up in the 1980s.
I’m a Coordinator for Better Angels which is a citizens’ organization uniting red and blue Americans in a working alliance to depolarize America.
The group’s mission is to:
To learn more about Better Angels click here.
Memories of my first job at the Brunswick Square Mall in central New Jersey came rushing back in full neon color. It was 1983 and I was a Hostess at the York Steakhouse and if you can believe it, my work uniform was ten times as dorky and considerably more ugly than the sailor suits that Steve and Robin donned at the Scoops Ahoy Ice Cream Parlor in the Starcourt Mall. My lovely restaurant server wear was a heinous burnt orange, one-piece polyester dress with puke yellow trim. It was cut above the knee and was a remnant from a bad 1975 style. Oh how I sympathized with Steve and his silly sailor’s cap.
I do have many positive memories of my childhood at the local mall and some of them actually include the color orange. My favorite all time dessert drink is the Orange Julius and the show had me craving it and a big, warm chocolate cookie in the worst way.
In the first few episodes of Stranger Things Season 3, the scenes in the mall were fun, campy and true to most of my memories. I don’t recall my mall being as crowded in the summer months because most of us in were playing outside or down the shore.
Growing up, our mall’s anchor stores were Bamberger’s and JC Penney and I spent many hours in The Children’s Place, The Gap and at the Piercing Pagoda were I got my ears pierced at age nine. I was encouraged to wear earrings because my haircut at the time was very short (a failed attempt at the “Dorothy Hamill look”) and my sister didn’t want people to mistake me for a boy. I, like Max in Stranger Things, was a bit of a tomboy and I didn’t like to dress up in frilly clothes. I spent many fun and unsupervised hours in the early 1980s riding either my skateboard, my Huffy ten speed bike or my Schwinn unicycle. Riding bikes with my friends topped the list as my all time favorite thing to do.
While there were many threads and plots in the rich and complex Season 3, the overarching theme that resonated with me most was the strength and unshakable power of the friendship bonds among the characters. Even though they were all were changing and growing in strange new ways, they never stopped caring about each other. Even though they were often confused and upset with each other’s words and actions, they never gave up and never stopped fighting or sacrificing for one another. That’s what I remember about my friends and family in the 80s- a strong sense of loyalty, honor and integrity.
The bold, stark and often comical contrasts of many of the scenes had my emotions shifting faster than the bumper cars at the fun fair carnival.
In all, it was an action-packed storyline with a strong and emotional ending. No spoilers here!
The other fun and random things I enjoyed about ST Season 3 include:
I wrote the poem above after the contents of this blog were published in the Opinion section of my local newspaper, the Ahwatukee Foothill News and on the website Legiontown.org.
Here’s the original post.
Some would say that the fabric of American society is fraying due to decreased civic engagement and increased political polarization. Last week I witnessed the complete opposite.
It was the night before Flag Day and I saw the strengthening of social bonds in a local restaurant where thirteen veterans and their spouses came together to share fun, stories and some delicious Irish stew.
This positive and festive social gathering brought together US veterans from three generations to share in the spirit of camaraderie and strengthening community involvement.
Members from the Charles Schwab Military Veterans Network and Ahwatukee American Legion Post 64 met at the Irish Hare Pub and Restaurant in Phoenix for some fun, food and story telling.
Here our common values rallied about an important piece of cloth that symbolizes the unity and strength of our country- the flag that we have all pledged allegiance to. The red, white and blue fabric on our table reminded us that we are Americans first.
We came together and toasted to our freedom which none of us will ever take for granted.
It warmed my heart and gave me hope that people from different generations, professions, political leanings and walks of life can come together in a spirit of positive bonds of affection and shared experiences.
The Irish Hare is a great venue for social events, dinner and music and we all appreciated the support from the Proprietor Heidi Hamor who thanked us for our service and contributed to the raffle prizes with a snazzy, green shirt. Other fun raffle prizes from the American Legion Post 64 included a US Flag and fun, patriotic cowboy hats.
It was a simple yet spirited event that renewed my faith in the strength of local community bonds that are the underlying support for the fabric of our society. I was happily reminded that I live in the United States of America where our flag is appreciated and rallied around in times of peace and war and serves as a common symbol of our shared principles and values.
To preserve the memories and honor the sacrifices of those who paid the ultimate price while serving their country, Ahwatukee American Legion Post 64 is dedicated to providing and supporting remembrance services and ceremonies.
Beginning in March and running through Memorial Day, Post 64 will have had three events dedicated to honoring fallen and past Veterans.
On March 15, 2019, the members of the post celebrated the 100 year anniversary of the founding of the American Legion. This special meeting was dedicated to the 1,194 crew members of the USS Indianapolis CA-35 which was torpedoed on July 30, 1945.
At the March meeting, post member John Boyer gave an educational and moving presentation about the disaster, the victims, and the 316 survivors. John is a survivor family member as his cousin, Lloyd Peter Barto, was one of the crew who was rescued after four days in the shark-infested waters of the Philippine Sea.
For more information on the USS Indianapolis Click here.
On May 15th, Post 64 honored and remembered 45 members who have passed in a special prayer service led by Post Chaplain Rebecca Schmidt.
The theme of Never Forget will culminate on Memorial Day, May 27, when Post 64 will join over 20 Color and Honor Guards from across Arizona to pass in review at the Parade of Colors. The Ahwatukee post join many others to place over 100 wreaths in a solemn and inspirational Memorial Day Service at The National Cemetery of Arizona in Cave Creek, AZ on 23029 North Cave Creek Roadbeginning at 8:00 am.
The Memorial Day Ceremonies are a very important and respected tradition for veterans and their families across the country and include the presentation of the flag, slow salutes and the playing of taps. Other services may include prayers, the reading of names, ringing of bells and the lighting of candles.
Click here for more the Ahwatukee American Legion Post 64 website.
Add a “Q” and I give you Brenda’s Audacious Quest!
I now have the courage to communicate an important message and mission that I hope will resonate with you.
I feel that my 25 years as an active Toastmaster member has prepared me for this moment and I’m happy and excited to get started on a new and somewhat scary endeavor.
Written as a full sentence:
Over the course of time I became aware of the bold action needed to go from Bowling Alone to Better Angels.
At this point you may be asking- what the hell am I talking about?
How much time?
What bold action?
What is Better Angels?
Simply put, my goal and quest is to help depolarize America.
I want to improve our country’s health, one conversation at a time.
Like many of you, I am saddened and tired of how divided we have become as a country.
Other reasons include my desire to:
I am an Organizer for Better Angels, a citizens’ organization that is uniting red and blue Americans in a working alliance to depolarize America.
So what does Bowling Alone have to do with this?
It all started in the early 1990s when I joined a bowling team called the Misfits.
I was living in northwest Arkansas in a town called Bentonville, the location of the world headquarters of my employer, Wal-Mart.
To blow off some steam from my intense data center operations job, I joined a local bowling league and happily knocked down some pins every week with total strangers. We named our team the Misfits and we proudly wore dorky, self- designed black T-shirts with a cheesy silk-screened logo. I had nothing in common with my teammates except the love of the game and the fact that we lived in the same state. I didn’t remain in Arkansas for more than a few years but I have fond memories of the strong and happy social connections we shared. Although we may have differed politically, religiously and socio-economically, we bonded and cared for each other. To this day, I still love to bowl and miss my Misfit friends in Arkansas.
The other major thing I did while living in Arkansas was join Toastmasters International.
My first experience was in a club called “Words R Us”. It was a diverse and jovial group ranging from southern Baptist preachers to Italian-American transplants from New York. We all learned from each other and developed a wonderfully supportive culture of tolerance and inclusion. The club was a true melting pot of ideas, styles and perspectives where everyone was welcomed and all views considered. I remember enjoying the nights when we held actual debates in a point-counterpoint format. Pastor Willie Brown was my favorite club member and I always enjoyed listening to his impassioned speeches even though I often disagreed with his point of view. His big smile and hearty laugh were many times the highlight of my week.
Another important and impactful memory I have is from a speech I gave in 2005 while I living in San Diego. I was the Test Speaker at a Toastmaster Evaluation contest and the title of my speech was called “Bowling Alone”. I remember using my bowling ball as a prop and discussing the importance and benefits of participating in bowling leagues and other community groups. While stressing the importance of bridging social capital and community involvement, I lamented the fact that fewer and fewer people were joining and attending local clubs and events and this was having a negative effect on our country’s civic engagement. My speech was inspired by the book by Robert D. Putnam titled “Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community” and focused how the reduction in all forms of in person social activities has caused a decline in social capital. My message was powerful and I recall many people coming up to me after the speech to express their thoughts and concerns on the topic.
Five years after giving the “Bowling Alone” speech, I found myself living in Littleton, CO and a member of the Columbine Communicators Toastmasters club. There I was again impacted and inspired by the events and people in the local community. The opening words of my presentation that cold day in 2010 were “another school shooting”. My husband filmed this sober speech with its bold call to action and shared it on YouTube where it has been viewed 3,935 times. The title of that speech was “Bowling Alone: How to Rebuild our Communities”.
Fast forward nine years, two more moves and I’m living in Phoenix, Arizona.
It’s 2019 and our country’s civil discourse is at crisis levels.
The intense amount of polarization is startling to this socially engaged joiner of Toastmasters clubs across the county. I never imagined that the United States of America would become so divided that friends and family members are not speaking to each because they support different political parties or candidates.
So here I am with my bowling background and public speaking experience, ready to try to bring people together to learn how to communicate again.
My audacious quest is simple yet lofty.
I want to help build bridges and real live connections to overcome our culture of contempt.
I want to help people to see the human faces of their family, friends and neighbors.
I want to help provide a safe environment and forum so people can begin to listen to the shared values and stories of those with whom they disagree.
I want to provide the skills and training for people to have productive conversations.
I want to bring together reasonable people of goodwill to have a sincere dialogue and a healthy competition of ideas.
I want to face fear and contempt with jovial strength and warm heartedness.
I want to listen and find common ground.
I want to disagree without being disagreeable.
I want to live up to Abraham Lincoln’s words below and be a Better Angel.
“We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory will swell when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.”
Please spread the word and let me know your thoughts on my audacious goal.